


Desirable

by Spark_Stark



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Adultery, Age Difference, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Attraction, BAMF Spencer Reid, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Closeted Character, Complicated Relationships, Divorce, Emotionally Repressed, Gay Panic, Guilt, Hotch And JJ Are Best Friends, JJ Is A True Ally, Jealousy, Lawyer Aaron Hotchner, Love Triangles, M/M, No BAU, POV Aaron Hotchner, Pregnant Haley Hotchner, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Trust Issues, we have no choice but to stan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26087779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spark_Stark/pseuds/Spark_Stark
Summary: Aaron Hotchner has everything he could ever wish for until he meets Spencer Reid.Spencer becomes the only thing that Aaron wants and the only thing he can never have.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 16
Kudos: 61





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> These updates are going to be real slow and there's no schedule to this.

Aaron Hotchner was one of those men whose body was sculpted by the gods for designer suits and luxury cars. He was alluring in a dangerously emotionless way because his tie was always flat and straight and his facial expression was never more than perfectly neutral. There was a cloud of illusion around him that had people believing he was all good looks and no brains. But he made his money with his intelligence and he loved to show it off.

He was so extremely materialistic that he didn't know the value of anything. His wife would scream and tell him he was an emotionless bastard and ask him, "Do you even love me, Aaron?" And he thought he knew the answer to that. 

He'd sigh and respond in a bored tone. "Don't be ridiculous, of course I do." He showed what he considered to be love with gifts; expensive clothes and jewellery. He showered Haley with possessions and brought her to Michelin star restaurants around the globe on her birthday and their anniversary. Wasn't that love? That's what he thought, when he sat at his mahogany desk gently grasping his third glass of scotch of the night. 

Then Aaron met Spencer Reid. 

Spencer sent electricity through his veins with every emotion he expressed. He made Aaron _feel_ things, experience them. It terrified him in a way that nothing else in the world ever had before. His questions were answered when Spencer took him by his hand and led him to the bedroom. There was so much more than just blood flowing through him at that moment. There was no barrier between him and Spencer the way there had been between Aaron and everybody else he had ever met. He didn't want to hold Spencer at arms length, he wanted Spencer flush against his own body and to never let him go.

This was how it was supposed to be. This was what his mother told him about when he was a young boy, finding somebody who filled in all the holes that the world left in your soul. Somebody had dug into his chest and clutched at his heart and for the first time in the thirty four years of his life, he didn't pull away. He didn't even flinch.

Everybody was a pawn on Aaron's chess board. He looked everybody in the eye and saw their worth, how they could or couldn't benefit him and only him. Haley was a perfect trophy wife. A tall, blonde and confident model with no dirty history to taint his public image. He could take her to the west coast and put her in a Prada bikini and let them be photographed together as a beautiful couple. He could put her on his arm in a dress that matched his tie and walk down the red carpet of the opening of a new art gallery. 

Haley was convenient. Spencer was...

Spencer was everything he wanted, but he was so fucking _difficult_ and unattainable. Spencer Reid was a challenge. 

Aaron had never had a single challenge in his life. Born into wealth with his life already laid out before him; star athlete and captain of the debate team in high school before moving a few states over for law school, graduating summa cum laude and then move back home to join the father's practise. At age thirty his father died from a sudden heart attack that left the practise and fortune in his hands. Aaron had prepared for it his entire life and he was nothing less than a constant achiever. He was completely untouchable from the moment he was brought into the world. 

Untouchable meant having the media in his back pocket and the public at a comfortable distance. Almost everybody was below him, and the few people that were above him were on the edge on their seats when they were in the same room as him. In the courtroom and out, he made guilty men look so completely unimpeachable that you would feel bad for even _thinking_ that they were anything less than innocent. 

There was a certain something about Aaron Hotchner that made him seem so otherworldly. When he'd cross his legs and link his fingers together, every powerful man would bend to his will. And that in itself was the problem. The inconvenience of a lifestyle as such made him so carefully cold and calculating that he unintentionally objectified everybody. He didn't know how to love. 

Spencer made Aaron's world tilt off its axis. It made him stumble and feel fuzzy around the edges in a way that alcohol only ever had before. And Spencer's presence came with an added warmth that he had let himself think was unobtainable. Spencer was poetic and smooth edges where Aaron was stoic and blunt corners. "You are..." Aaron whispered, shuddering and gasping when Spencer's mouth moved across his body. "Harmonious." 

The next morning he woke up cold and alone, it didn't even take a week before Aaron was utterly obsessed with Spencer Reid. Everywhere he went, he saw Spencer's shadow. 

At his desk he saw Spencer sitting on the edge of it with his lopsided smile and wild hand gestures. In his garage he saw Spencer leaning against the bonnet of his Porsche drinking from a bottle of Gatorade that exposed his throat just a bit too suggestively. By the pool he saw Spencer sitting by the edge teasing the water- teasing him with his tight shorts and damp t shirt that clung to his lithe frame. 

He'd never wanted anything as much, convenience be damned. He'd ruin his reputation and go penniless for Spencer if he asked him to, if he so much as _suggested_ it. But Spencer had never asked anything of him. In the four months that they had known each other Spencer hadn't asked for a single thing. He made it clear that he wanted Aaron and not Aaron's money. He wanted Aaron's attention and his love the same way Haley did. 

The similarities and differences didn't mean anything to him. He wanted Spencer. He wanted his warmth surrounding him in the winter months ahead and he wanted his fuzziness instead of the expensive whisky's artificial buzz. 

Eventually, he told himself, he would be able to get over Spencer. How long would it take to move on? Maybe it was a blessing in disguise, Spencer leaving him like he did; Naked and vulnerable. Emotional, exposed, rejected and pathetic. Aaron had never felt so _much_ all at once. He cried for the first time since he was fifteen years old and his mother had died with her hand in his. He was alone again, wishing for the one thing that he couldn't have. The only thing that money couldn't buy him. 


	2. First Impressions

_**Four Months Earlier.** _

Aaron had never had a particular affliction towards the summer months. Besides the weather being just a touch too warm for suits and jackets and his wife’s insistence to vacate at one of their grand properties on the west coast.

Between D.C. and New York City where his primary residence was far enough from both cities to have a spacious estate, Aaron quickly learned that he was not made for the grandeur and bustle of the city. He was a true Virginian. Born and raised on the extensive Hotchner estate where his tutor drove in from Manassas and the postman came twice daily with post for his father and gossip for his mother.

At the turn of the century, his father had passed and Aaron knew he needed to relocate and centralise the practise despite his own detest. He threw away just enough of his southern accent to be taken seriously as a white collar representative. (But keeping a subtle twang to his words so his clients felt comfortable around him to share their less than progressive views on everything from immigration to LGBT rights.)

It was quite… practical, to have a gold ring on his finger that he could casually draw attention to in conversation. (“Well, last week my wife was just telling me…”) Because sometimes his gazes lingered for just too long on a man down the corridor or his stance was accidentally telling of his true self.

When one considers all of the aforementioned information, it becomes easier to sympathise with Aaron Hotchner and understand his otherwise seemingly untoward manor in which his first meeting Spencer Reid provoked.

Years of practise had gone into his perfectly fool-proof rouse. And then one hot, humid, New York City day; the flawless face of a young and charming (And just Aaron’s type.) man sauntered confidently into his office at eleven in the morning.

“We found this man, Hotch.” JJ had said to him at the bright and early hour of eight a.m. “Get him on the stand and the judge will throw the Carter case out in five minutes. Guaranteed.” It was awful nice of Miss Jennifer Jareau, life-long best friend and personal assistant, to not mention anything else about this supposed solution to his problems as she shoved a paper coffee cup into his hand and told him he was up to his eyes in e-mail.

“Doctor Reid,” He greeted tightly and resisted his instinct to offer his visitor a handshake. JJ had been very specific about that.

She also warned him not to intimidate the doctor. Although it was (mostly) unintentional, Aaron knew he had a way of presenting himself to others that made them cower from him. A life lesson from his father; to treat yourself as if you are at the top of the food chain in every room you walk in to, and those around you will think the same. Was it good advice? In retrospect probably not, but it was a subconscious act to him by now.

Thirty years he’d been playing that card and now JJ was instructing him to, what? Turn it off?

Barely fifteen minutes later and Aaron found himself forgetting what ‘on’ felt like, and it scared him so completely. Spencer had been talking for almost the entirety of their discussion, Aaron barely needing to input before the man across the desk from him had taken his idea and ran with it

So he resorted to being obnoxiously passive aggressive.

Spencer took it in his stride and appeared almost wholly unaffected by Aaron’s foul behaviour. And God, wasn’t that just worse? This man, who knew absolutely nothing about him, was clearly bending over backwards to adapt to what Aaron wanted. Why was Spencer Reid so… unnecessarily kind?

He didn’t have to be here. It was _them_ who had approached Spencer; he had all the control in the situation. Why was he just sitting there under Aaron’s mean glare taking his, for lack of a better word, bitchy attitude? It made him all the more desirable in a way that irritated Aaron just too much. Like an itch he couldn’t scratch.

Aaron wasn’t even aware of what he was saying while Spencer was sitting across from him. His legs crossed in a way that squeezed his thighs together making Aaron wasn’t to pull them apart. His hands waved to and fro as wildly as his lips that moved with excitement as he spoke. As if the man wasn’t already the most beautiful person that Aaron had ever seen before, his eyes twinkled in that way Aaron had only ever read about in books from his teenage years.

His tie was endearingly crooked in a way that made Aaron want to lean over the desk and run his hands down the fabric and straighten it out. And then there was his hair…

Aaron had always prided himself in his ability to remain in complete control of any situation he put himself into. That control most certainly didn’t extend to this conversation. It was as if all his self-preservation went out the window when Spencer walked into his office and said, “It is so nice to meet you, Mr. Hotchner.”

And he echoed his words when their meeting ended. “It was such a pleasure to speak with you, Mr. Hotchner.” Why? Aaron had been so overtly rude to him throughout their meeting. He interrupted Spencer many times and acted uninterested in what the doctor had to say. But he was interested, because everything Spencer said was so captivating and alluring to listen to.

The mindlessness buzz in his brain had him speaking before his mind was able to veto his words. “Call me Aaron,” He said, “We will be working together closely for the next while.”

Spencer seemed pleasantly surprised was Aaron’s statement. “You can, um, call me Spencer. If you like.” He replied, stuttering over his words for the first time that morning.

He led Spencer out of his office with his hand ghosting the small of the doctor’s back. If Spencer noticed, he said nothing of it. JJ was waiting in the hallway when they walked out and had a staff member show Spencer out of the building as she slid up beside Aaron. “Well?” She asked innocently.

Aaron gave her a hard glare as he made his way back into his office and closed the door behind them. “Don’t ever do that again.” He said once they were in the confines of the four walls.

“Do what?” She pressed on, going about her business of tidying his cluttered desk and collecting papers from around the room.

Crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the edge of his desk, Aaron raised an unimpressed eyebrow at his friend. “You know exactly what you did,” He continued, but JJ shrugged. He sighed, uncrossed his arms and muttered. “Could’ve given me a head up.”

JJ laughed and patted his on the shoulder. “But where’s the fun in that?” Aaron pushed her hand off gently and returned to his desk. Their friendly banter faded as JJ placed a fresh pile of paperwork on front of him and updated him on their current cases and clients.

For the rest of the work day Aaron tried desperately to get the thought of Spencer Reid out of his mind. Of course it did not work, for Spencer’s scent and memory would be forever etched in the walls of the office. At night, his face returned when Aaron closed his eyes, lying flat on his back on the expansive mattress beside his sleeping wife. Was guilt the emotion pooling in the pit of his stomach, or was it something lighter?

Surely a feeling such as guilt would lead a loyal man to a sleepless night, but Aaron drifted off quickly and quietly with Spencer in his mind.


	3. Armani

The weekend came much quicker than Aaron had wanted. JJ was walking into his bedroom as if she owned the place, kicking the edge of his mattress with her high heel and telling him to wake up. Aaron rolled over on the empty bed and rubbed at his eyes. “Where’s Haley?” He murmured, still keeping himself wrapped up in the duvet.

“It’s the first of May, Hotch.” JJ replied, as if that should have explained everything. He grumbled, and although Aaron couldn’t see her, he was certain that she was rolling her eyes at him. “Met Gala week.” She said impatiently.

That actually did explain everything. Haley was always invited to Met Gala followed by Milan Fashion Week and a bunch of other events that told him his wife would be flying from one continent to another for the next month or so. It never really bothered Aaron that much. There was a silence that followed the small ‘oh’ from Aaron, with which JJ almost made a joking comment on the lack of attention he paid to his wife.

She did not say such things, even if she meant it in a friendly manner. Even if Haley wasn’t exactly Aaron’s… type, to put it simply, he had never once gone behind her back and participated in any sort of affair with another man. JJ couldn’t, with confidence, say the same about Haley.

Instead she pulled her friend up from the bed by his arm, “I’ve scheduled a lunch,” She informed him, making her way across the overly spacious and scarcely decorated bedroom to pull open the heavy curtains covering a grand window that overlooked the entrance of the sizeable estate. “With Spencer Reid.”

Aaron’s breath caught in his throat. And there it was; the guilt. Spencer’s face was the last thing he had seen behind his closed eyelids before he drifted off to sleep every night since meeting him. That’s not what it was meant to be. His wife was lying beside him, she probably looked beautiful and he didn’t even notice. He didn’t even look over at her as he laid down on the far side of the mattress and closed his eyes.

It was like plummeting to the floor from a ten story window but never hitting the ground. He never felt the impact of a surface, the pulling of gravity in his stomach just kept going and going. And like the cracking of a whip, he was back in the present. With the mid-morning brightness and summer heat flowing through the room.

“Spencer Reid,” Aaron repeated, catching his breath. “Okay.”

JJ looked over her shoulder as she entered Aaron’s walk in wardrobe and chuckled. “An Armani three piece was delivered this morning.” She called out.

He cut her off. “I don’t wear three pieces.” Aaron interrupted, replaying the tired tune he always told JJ every time she brought it up. He could count on one hand the amount of times he had worn a three piece suit, he always thought they were too much of a fashion statement for him. His wife was the model, he was the lawyer.

“Don’t you want to impress Doctor Reid?” JJ asked, a hint of brazenness to the question.

Aaron took a deep breath, not buying into his friend’s obvious bait. “Why would I want to do that?” He asked, his voice wasn’t as calm or steady as he would have liked it to be. Why was that happening? He was always in control of himself. He’d only met Spencer a few days ago but his mind was doing that thing again where it felt fuzzy around the edges and he couldn’t form coherent thoughts.

When he first got that alcohol-free intoxication due to Spencer Reid, he’d panicked and chosen anger as his outlet. In the moment it seemed like the ideal solution but afterwards, all he could think about was the similarities between him and his father because of it. And wasn’t that worse? He needed to apologise to Spencer, he didn’t deserve being treated the way he had been by Aaron. It had been completely unprovoked and he felt so, so guilty now. There was a pile of regret mounting on the top of his shoulders that he couldn’t shake no matter how hard he’s tried.

JJ’s voice broke through the cloud of self-hate pooling around Aaron’s head. “Aaron,” That had definitely gotten his attention. JJ hardly ever called him Aaron, and Aaron hardly ever called her Jennifer. “Are you doing that moody thing again?”

“What do you mean again?” He asked indignantly, placing one hand on his hip in a way that he’d only ever do around JJ. 

She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing outright at him. His hair was fussed in all directions and his toned, shirtless chest was hard to take seriously when he was pouting with his hands on his hips. She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth, but Hotch cut her off before she could say anything sarcastic. "Oh, shut up." He turned away from her and grabbed the white t-shirt he discarded on the floor last night, pulling it over his head and checking the time on his phone. 

Coming up behind him, JJ's shadow came into his sight over his shoulder. "Hotch, do you want him to like you?" She asked, almost condescendingly. 

He didn't pause his motion of swiping through his text messages. "I don't care if he likes me or not," Hotch replied evenly. "If he can help with the Carter case, that's all I want from him." When the woman didn't respond, Hotch knew that she had bought not a single word of what he spoke. (He himself also wanted to believe it.)

"Wear the Armani." She said, her tone leaving no room for argument. 

It was funny; their dynamic. Aaron was her boss but she ruled his life. Every decision was made with her input, from the hiring of personal security to what cases he took to trial. Although he paid her wages and let her and her boyfriend live in his expansive estate for free. He was constantly in debt to her, her friendship was beyond value and she was one of the smartest people he had ever met. 

She put her hand on his shoulder, the three piece, covered, was carefully placed over her other arm. "Let yourself have something nice." She whispered. 

He turned around to face her finally, "I have nice things." He defended, gesturing vaguely to the - well - everything around them. His grand property was really just a holding place for all of his material possessions. He waved his brand new iPhone in his hand for good measure and she rolled her eyes at him. 

"Maybe you could have a nice... boyfriend? To share your nice things with." She suggested vaguely, as if was merely expressing an interest into where one should go for lunch. 

Hotch was not playing her games. "I'm thirty four years old. I will not be using the phrase _boyfriend_ in any capacity." He did however take the suit from her outstretched arm. JJ's face was much too expressive for Aaron's liking. 

"You aren't opposed to the idea though."

Looking down at his assistant and best friend, (even if he thought the phrase 'best friend' as silly and juvenile as 'boyfriend', there really was no other way to describe his relationship with Jennifer Jareau besides as a sister.) he bore his eyes through her but she didn't flinch. "Twisting words is my job." He said, it may have sounded reprimanding but JJ smirked at him. 

"Poking around in your business is mine." She replied smugly, turning on her designer heels with her head held high. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :) had a sudden urge to update this. Idk if these words are coherent I was vibing hard to gwen stafani while writing. happy tuesday, please leave me comments (and check out my other stuff, specifically my original piece the accused if you would be so kind.) as always it is a pleasure to read your remarks. follow me on twitter @whatsneatpete or tumblr @hotchreidd


	4. Lunch in D.C

When Aaron made it to the main doors, JJ wished him well and turned to make her exit to another part of the house. It was then that he learned that she would not be accompanying him to this lunch meeting. (not a date as JJ had described it at least six times the past hour.) 

He drilled his eyes into the back of her head as she laughed her way out of the main hallway, wishing him fun. 

Deciding against a driver, he walked around the garage surveying the collection. He chose the Corvette. The drive from his estate on the outskirts of Richmond to D.C. was long enough for Aaron to gather himself. Spencer was already at the restaurant when Aaron arrived, looking adorably out of place. His tie was once again crooked and his hair was falling into his face in delicious waves of brown. 

Aaron sat down opposite Spencer and smiled. It was tight and held little emotion but it was more than he would have offered any other lunch guest. JJ had explicitly told him to try be _nice_ and treat him as a _friend_. Hotch had his work cut out for him this afternoon. 

"Spencer," He greeted, already feeling himself stiffen and become awkward. "How are you?" He asked. 

Across from him, Spencer flashed him one of those heart warming grins where he pushed his lips together and diverted his gaze to the table between them. "I'm good, Aaron. How are you?" It was the simplest of pleasantries, but it had Aaron grabbing at the table to steady himself. 

For a moment, he was completely lost. Feeling around in the dark for a light switch. "I'm, uh, yeah. I'm doing okay, thank you." He sounded out of breath in his own ears and he could only imagine what Doctor Reid must think of him. "It's great to see you." He added, as an afterthought. It wasn't until he saw Spencer's eyes glisten with joy that he actually realised he had said it aloud and not in his mind. 

They ordered and their drinks arrived quickly. "So JJ tells me you have three Ph.D's?" 

Spencer raised his eyebrows. "She told you that?" He asked, his voice slightly higher pitched with what Aaron thought was perhaps embarrassment. 

He nodded back and Spencer took another sip of his water to prepare himself to answer. Just give enough information to seem polite but don't go overboard, that was the advice his friend Ethan had given him over the phone last night when Spencer called him in a fit of anxiety about the meeting. Ethan had laughed at him for five minutes, not believing he was meeting The Aaron Hotchner for lunch. Ethan hadn't actually given him much useful advice, but he hadn't really expected him to, he just needed a sounding board for his ridiculous thoughts. 

"Um, yes. Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering. It was during my chemistry doctorate that I first met Jonathan Carter." He promptly shut his mouth to stop himself from saying more. 

Aaron leaned back in his chair. "Is that so?" He asked. Spencer was trying (and failing) to not openly stare at the man across from him. The three piece he was wearing flattered him in all the right places, he could see the outline of his defined arms and broad chest as well as the trousers that covered over his thighs tightly. 

Their conversation flowed surprisingly easily through the meal. Spencer's face was so expressive that it made Aaron begin to mirror his care free smiles in a way that he usually wouldn't have been caught dead doing. That was the thing about Spencer Reid, he made Aaron act irrationally and with emotion rather than with logic, and it scared him half to death. He wore a three piece Armani for Spencer, christ's sake. 

To make matters worse on himself, Aaron offered Spencer a ride home as he paid for their meal. Spencer tried to decline politely, but Aaron insisted. When they walked side by side (quite closely, JJ would have commented if she had seen.) to the Corvette, Spencer's eyes widened. 

"This is your car?" He asked. There was no valet parking in the restaurant because it was closed off from the general public. There were only a few stray cars around the lot, parked in different corners of the area. 

Aaron nodded and turned his head to look at Spencer. His eyes were positively glowing in the sun's light, Aaron had never seen a more beautiful man. He almost reached out for him. 

"Incredible," He breathed. "You know, I fix cars at M.I.T for extra cash, but I've never come so close to a piece of engine so fine as this." 

He couldn't resist it any longer, Aaron laughed (giggled, JJ would insist.) as Spencer rattled off statistics and pieces of information about the Chevrolet's performance speeds. At the passenger side, Aaron opened the door for Spencer. When he made his way around the bonnet he realised what he had done and mentally kicked himself, to anybody on the outside it probably looked like Aaron was with an escort. He fisted his hands around the steering wheel as soon as he climbed in his side of the car to stop himself from doing anything else utterly stupid. 

If Spencer noticed, he said nothing. 

"I didn't know you had such an interest in cars." Aaron tried instead. 

Spencer turned to him, his grin morphing into a smirk. "I don't tend to do Ph.D's for convenience." Aaron didn't want to get his own hopes up, but he was almost positive that Spencer was flirting with him. 

His throat tightened as he watched Spencer bite his bottom lip and turn away from him. "You should come by my estate, I have many cars you could drool over." 

The corresponding laugh he got from his company was light and made Aaron's head dizzy again. The sound carried around the small space so beautifully and Aaron tried to subtly soak it all up and never forget it. 

When the sound died down, Aaron launched them back into a conversation. "M.I.T is quite far from here." He said. 

"I spend most of my time in D.C," Spencer replied. "I'm only really there a few days a month." 

Something inside of Aaron decided at that moment that he hated himself, and he could only spectate as the next words came out of his mouth. "I'll be at my D.C office for the rest of May. We should do this again." 

Of course, Spencer was only delighted by the prospect of seeing Aaron again. His readily agreement did not go amiss by Hotch. The dizziness returned to him again, if he spent more time around Spencer Reid, he might spend less of his money on the expensive scotch his favoured because this drunkenness was much better. 

Now he would have to go home and explain to JJ that he was spending the rest of the month in D.C and that it definitely was not in correlation with anything to do with Spencer Reid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...hi, i did a thing. i don't expect myself to continue to update so quickly. tbh this fic is just for whenever i'm bored. please don't get too emotionally invested in it or else i will hate myself forever.


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